I'm going crazy

 

What is the fucking wrong with you Des?

Don't fucking blame people for your mistakes. 

If you can not control your fucking stress, don't mistreat other people. 

Yeah I understand you are undergoing stress, a severe one. And I keep encouraging you to go somewhere alone for yourself and have a real convo with your fucking self.

I did tell you to stop harassing people but you don't listen.

Give me a moment please.

I need to work with it.

I need to solve it.

I need to run really.

I need to push myself to the limit.

There needs to be a way for me to let everything out.

I can't stand it.

I'm going crazy.

I truly don't understand why stress keeps hitting me continually like a sudden never-ending rainfall. I thought it was cyclical but not. Recently it has lasted for nearly a month and it's driving me mad.

It has lasted for too fucking long. 

And I scarcely control my anger or maintain my composure toward anyone. I can not hold my ego down like I used to be able of. I get riled up with almost everyone. 

Honestly I haven't found the reason yet.

And I don't know how to deal with it either.

Just maybe because I can't keep it balanced since I have just lost something I deemed fine, a relationship I thought it would have been fine resting there but no it didn't. I screwed it up and I lost it.

I'm unbalanced! 

Bình tĩnh đi Des, tao biết mày đang mất cân bằng. Mọi thứ với mày đang rất khó khăn, tao hiểu. Nhưng mày phải bình tĩnh. Mày cần biết trọng tâm của mày ở đâu và cái gì là quan trọng nhất. Tao biết mày đang mất trọng tâm vì mày vừa làm mất một thứ khiến mày thấy mất cân bằng và phản ứng lại bằng sự khó chịu. 

Calm down Des, I know you are losing your balance. Everything is so hard with you right now, I totally understand. But you need to calm down. And you need to know where your center is and the most important thing to you. I know you're losing your center because you have just destroyed something you like causing you a great loss so you response with multiple feelings of unease. 

Nhưng mày cần hiểu là, mày cần phải sửa chữa chỗ trống đó. Mày cần nhét cái khác vào. Cố tìm thứ gì đó để lấy lại sự cân bằng đi. Nhưng tuyệt đối không phải sex hay tình cảm. Mày cần một động lực sống. Tìm nó. Cái gì khiến mày thấy có động lực nhất? Là kết quả, là việc đạt được đỉnh cao. Là cái mà mày muốn, là leo được lên đến đỉnh, là đạt được những task, những thành tựu cho dù chỉ nhỏ bé. Nhớ lấy lời tao.

But you need to know, you need to fill that gap. You need to bridge it with something else. Try to find something to keep you balanced again. But absolutely not sex or romance. You need a motivation. Find it. What makes you feel motivated most? It's what you desire, climbing to the top of the mountain, completing small tasks, little achievements even though they are insignificant. Remember that!