Destilicious

I have always been confronting this monster for a long time. I'm not sure if I should call it "a monster" since there is no specifically scientific verification for that definition.   Actually I'm not well prepared typing these lines because I think my brain is totally washed out right now, so just go to see what's gonna happen next, maybe i could discover something new for myself, possibly When I first started this channel, everything was so optimistic on my side, at least that time, I could still compose things passionately, I could feel a very strong flow of emotion, like if someone had attacked me, I would have definitely burst into tears.  The innocent me was still in the realm of safety from being torn apart in the middle of the overlapping barriers, like a criss-crossed web produced by a spider. Recently, I have done some research on neuroscience  for work purpose. And those amazingly new discoveries about our magical brain have lead me to the epiphany lite...

  I’m pondering on my age. I started feeling desperate about old age after reaching 25 because I’ve always been warned about all the changes to come as a full grown woman. As a routine, I keep track of the transformation of my body compared to my past experiences I had with it and vigorously I feel that the process of aging is sneaking up on me. My skin is getting drier and I suffer outbreaks frequently before my period each month. My hair becomes thinner throughout time which is the problem I’d never expected before since I have always been known as someone with a thick hair texture. And most importantly, the youthfulness in me was transcended by age. However, the fear of ignorance urges me to delve into the roots of my disease and sickness to find out the best practices of healing that I sorely need. I know there must be a solution for all things and it is somewhere out there in the middle of my subconscious. Marie Curie once said that nothing in life is to be feared, it...

  Hey, today I’m gonna talk about my new hobby, at least I find it interesting. This morning I had to wake up at 2 and drive my mom to the tourism company for her 4-day trip to the middle area of Vietnam. And before she went on her holiday, she had told me to take care of her garden. I was busy thinking about my works so I didn’t actually pay attention to what she had instructed. To be honest, I even felt irritating, what a bad kid I was. But it doesn’t matter since I’m okay with gardening, I’m okay with her proxy. And today, I went up to the terrace of my house, I enjoyed the sunlight. Gotta say that it was really hot but I felt calm, I think that’s a good thing to do since I stayed inside of the house for nearly a week. I need some vitamin D. And then I went to the foam box filled with water, I took the plastic water ladle and take out the water from the large foam box to water the vegetables. Every single drop of water pouring down to those shiny green leaves and brought me r...

  What is the fucking wrong with you Des? Don't fucking blame people for your mistakes.  If you can not control your fucking stress, don't mistreat other people.  Yeah I understand you are undergoing stress, a severe one. And I keep encouraging you to go somewhere alone for yourself and have a real convo with your fucking self. I did tell you to stop harassing people but you don't listen. Give me a moment please. I need to work with it. I need to solve it. I need to run really. I need to push myself to the limit. There needs to be a way for me to let everything out. I can't stand it. I'm going crazy. I truly don't understand why stress keeps hitting me continually like a sudden never-ending rainfall. I thought it was cyclical but not. Recently it has lasted for nearly a month and it's driving me mad. It has lasted for too fucking long.  And I scarcely control my anger or maintain my composure toward anyone. I can not hold my ego down like I used to be able o...

  Today I watched the notorious Fatal Attraction (1987) starring Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. The movie is that same kind of erotic thriller which was quite popular back to the day. In these movies, sex is always the main drive of crime and obviously we have seen so many men and women on screen recreated all the scariest incidents happened by the loss of control of some psychopaths.  I was one of them. If you want to know about my past love story, I'm happy to tell and admit that I was a psychopath. I was really mad and out of control. I tortured my ex lover every night and I didn't care about the consequences I would face in the near future. I haunted her like a ghost crying everyday asking for a reconciliation. So pathetic I was. Watching Fatal Attraction, I felt like I was seeing a bad joke on myself which is so sardonic. I can't believe I did behave the same way as Alex did. I was like out of my mind and made a fool of myself. I totally understand the borderline p...

  I went to an old bookstore this morning to look for props for my next video in the series Circle of life by Ming . And guess what, I learned another lesson about running my business. For what I have always been trying, everything I do in this series is all real so I always I want to prioritize the spirit of experiencing life. There are plenty of things that I have never done before at the age of 26, counted as little things like walking in an old bookstore I have seen several times or simply eating a bowl of pork organ congee. The moment I landed my feet on the ground of the bookstore, there was an unspeakable euphoria of wisdom rising up inside of my soul because I knew, the voice of the creator wanted me to get there today and he had already checked the task saying mission completed on his checklist for me to achieve it. I like the atmosphere that hung over this old bookstore. What appealing enough was stacks of books embodying classes of generations which were neatly packe...

The southern area of Vietnam this season is incredibly hot. I can say that the weather is as hot as my temper every time I'm on the drag. Not funny at all.  I get mad with almost everything and no way I could maintain my composure to deal with situations arising in my daily activities which affect my mental health badly. Whenever I feel out of track, I talk a lot, or text a lot, depending on which methods I use for communicating. But most of the time, I text a lot. I usually allow negative thoughts to drag me down and sometimes intrusive thoughts, whatever it can be, the devil inside me, the personification of all the worst will emerge and screw things up. In short, these days, I'm seriously lost my mind and fall into a giant angry pot full of boiling water with hatred towards life.  Me of some years ago suffered PMS more severely than now,  I even wanted to die and cried literally everyday in the week before my period. I would deceive myself that I was the most miserable...